I call this "A paragraph about Peter Weller"

[VitiligoJackson]

"It was rumored that during an expedition in The Great North Woods with his lifelong friend John Cusack, he killed a bear with his bare hands. John had gone out on a morning walk and had fallen down into a dry river bed, breaking his leg rendering him immobile. After an hour without his friend's return Peter began to worry and set out on a search. Walking down the path he could hear the storm roll in, he knew it would eventually come in and wash all hopes he had of finding his friend away. Merely moments after that realization it began to pour, engulfed in the freezing rain he decides to press on worrying about his mate. He came across a drop off into a deep dry riverbed. As he slowly approached the chasm he could hear his dear pal's screams echoing in the landscape. He found Cusack being cornered by a very large black bear, lying in a pool of his own blood pleading for his life. Without hesitation Weller jumped down aiming for the beast's back. Successfully hitting his mark he grabs it's head and with one swift stroke he snaps the beast's neck, reaching John just in the nick of time. Single-handedly carrying Cusack's bloody and battered body back to camp so he could mend his friend’s wounds. After a few days of nursing him back to health while surviving on meat from the black bear and their own urine, John was ready for the journey. over those few days Weller had been busy devising a sleigh for Cusack out of the bones from that ferocious bear. He knew John couldn't make the trek otherwise. He carried him all the way back out of the woods to safety...or did he? That is a whole different story."

I originally did this to vandalize Peter Weller's wikipedia but i thought it was funny so I actually proof read it and changed it a little.
This may become a thing where I write single paragraph stories about Peter Weller's adventures, or it may not. Who knows? Peter Weller is the Brian Boitano of our time.

[Pete > You]

I've contributed a lot of troll edits to wikipedia in my day. This is one that comes to mind (the death section).