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My Sexual Autobiography

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 11:05 am
by neck_cannon
Lisa stood at the top of the stairway and looked down at the bodies crowding the gynasium floor. Boys in tuxedos and girls in flowing dressing filled the floor with undulating pelvises and and sexual mimicry. She felt her own pelvis with both hands in an unladylike fashion that seemed out of place with the pretty pink prom dress her parents purchased for her on her 18th birthday. Her mother had raddled on and on about the dance, and how much fun she had had at her own prom 18 years and 9 months before Lisa was born.

"Remember that your maidenhood is like a cow that produces sweet milk for all the boys in the neighborhood!" her mother had said and given her a hearty pat on the back as Todd arrived to her escort her to the dance.

Before she'd hit puberty Lisa had seen a vision of the Virgin Mary, and being a strict Catholic took this vision seriously. In particular she had promised two things to the Holy Mother. The first was that she would remain a virgin until prom night, and the second was that she would never use birth control. Everyone had told her that the encounter was just a dream because it happened during the REM stages of sleep, but Lisa suspected otherwise. Lisa left it unsaid that she normally dreamed about huge penises and that therefore the only explanation for this bizaare religious experience had to be that the experience was the real mccoy. Lisa had conveniently forgotten that the week prior to the dream had been spent studying Fatima in Catechism class.

In any case, Lisa had spent most of her teen years either sleeping or furiously masturbating to avoid the near occasion of sin, and now her wait had finished and her dashing date was going to deflower her in the parking lot in front of all her friends due to another strange request from the Holy Queen.

Lisa screamed at the top of her lungs, "I need to be fucked hard in the parking lot! Who is with me!" and ran towards the exit.

Lisa had no sooner gotten to the parking lot than she had removed her dress to reveal that she had forgotten to wear underwear but had remembered to completely shave the rainforest of pubic hair that had covered her vulva mere hours before. She laid down on the asphalt and spread her legs for her man.

Todd came stumbling out of the gym with the entire student body and several naughty chaperones close on his heels. He wore glasses like some kind of a dork. They weren't the square empty frames of the upwardly mobile city hipster, but the round frames of someone with obviously poor vision probably the end result of a life spent staring at a computer screen.

"I rented a hotel for tonight. Please don't make me take your viginity in a school parking lot in front of all these people. At least can we get in a car?" blushing Todd stammered.

"Get that cock out and rock my asshole" - Lisa roared.

"Prom night sex happens in the vagina for good girls." chipped in Mrs. Wettleton, the ethics teacher.

"I know but I just always wanted to say that. It reminds me of how my gandmother talks" Lisa whispered as a sweet and sentimental smile lighted up her face.

Todd, that pussy date of her's, had just managed to pull his boxers off and pulled out a wee little willy that looked more like a penis than a cock. What's more the cool night air and the eyes of all his classmates cost him several inches.

""Why do we have to do it this way?" Todd looked at Lisa as if asking for mercy.

"I'm not doing anything with that little waste of time" Lisa answered coldly.


"IS THERE ANYONE HERE WHO CAN FUCK THIS GIRL?!" screamed Mr. Hatchins, her trig teacher.

A truck pulled up to the parking lot and a door opened. Out stepped a man resembling Brett Favre, wearing a Packer's jersey and a constant smirk. He wasn't wearing pants.


"They call me The Dude of Destiny and it is my job to patrol the nights and make dreams come true as long as that dream is to fuck me". He spoke solemn rumble like Zeus probably sounds before he defiles some virgin in the Greek countryside.

He tooled at the perky teenager and her clean shaven cunt and his smirk somehow resembled a smile althought it never moved. He took in her flowing black hair, the green eyes, and the freckles on her nose. He also noticed the perky breasts and the young slender body and felt that the whole affair was fitting. If he had been that well endowed idol carved into the Scottish highlands and she had been some ancient pagan sacrifice it'd be just the same.


The Dude's cock, the most massive in all the parking lot, stood rigid and saluted the young girl's beauty.

"Permission to defile you, my dear" he inquired.

"Not granted. Who the fuck are you? Just some weird old stranger guy".

"I'm not old. I'm 27."

"That's old for a high school girl."

Crestfallen the Dude returned in order to his truck, his homes, and his message board.

Todd was able to get a halfy and he and Lisa had awkward unenjoyable teenage sex resulting in the birth of Todd Jr., a lovable child who nevertheless will ruin the rest of their lives and demolish their dreams. Call it The Dude's revenge.

Re: My Sexual Autobiography

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 7:20 pm
by ghostknifer
did not read because it did not involve necrophilia or homosexuality upon first glance.

Re: My Sexual Autobiography

Posted: Mon Sep 20, 2010 7:59 pm
by neck_cannon
this line is like pseudo homosexuality
"Get that cock out and rock my asshole" - Lisa roared.

Re: My Sexual Autobiography

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 7:40 am
by forzamadrid
neck_cannon wrote:
"Permission to defile you, my dear" he inquired.

Re: My Sexual Autobiography

Posted: Tue Sep 21, 2010 9:37 am
by buckytoole
lol this was fun.

Re: My Sexual Autobiography

Posted: Sat Sep 25, 2010 11:13 pm
by iKichigai
neck_cannon wrote: "Remember that your maidenhood is like a cow that produces sweet milk for all the boys in the neighborhood!"
Mah milkshake brings all the boys to teh yard, and they're like, it's better than yours.
Damn right it's better than yours, I can teach you, but I have to charge.

Re: My Sexual Autobiography

Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2010 2:04 pm
by Heide
neck_cannon wrote:If he had been that well endowed idol carved into the Scottish highlands and she had been some ancient pagan sacrifice it'd be just the same.
Poetry.

Re: My Sexual Autobiography

Posted: Thu Oct 03, 2013 3:01 am
by jefferyarch
IS THERE ANYONE HERE WHO CAN FUCK THIS GIRL this line so amusing this line is like pseudo sexuality with girl.
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